I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
