i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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