My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
