Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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