He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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