Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Actions speak louder than pants.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
