did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
