ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
