Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
