Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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