His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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