C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
