It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
