Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
