He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
