WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
