I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
