I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
