How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
