Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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