She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
