North Korea, Best Korea!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
