I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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