Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
