Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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