Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
