I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
