i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
