question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
