8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
