I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
