She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she looked like the before picture.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
