come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Houston, we have a blender
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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