It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Barsexuality is the new black.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
