Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
