I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
