Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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