I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
