in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
