I accidentally burped into my bong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
