Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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