I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
