not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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