You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
