You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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