yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
