i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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