i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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