Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
