dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
