She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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