So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
