begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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